Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i out mim tonsoeep
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
