so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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