He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
