i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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