hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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