She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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