Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
