Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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