He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
