Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
