Need sex. Gaining weight.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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