Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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