So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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