How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
