i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
