I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
