smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
handjob tips. give me some.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
