If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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