I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
