yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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