I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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