my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize