so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
