i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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