Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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