i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
