Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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