i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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