I can text with my tongue
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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