Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
