new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
