Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
