I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
