So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
