I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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