Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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