oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
