everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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