Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
