Umm I'm too high to move.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize