K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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