Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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