im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
