would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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