Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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