so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
