I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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