There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
