i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
