Betty ford says i'm here all night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
