i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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