Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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