Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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