It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
