i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
