Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
