he thought i was a dude.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
