by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
