Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
