We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
