is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
