I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
