Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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