So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
