Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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