I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
