Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
