I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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