4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there's paper in my vomit.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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