making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize