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I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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