Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize