Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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