I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
