Your dad touched me again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
