My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
