..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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