wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
