I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
