Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize