pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
