bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize