Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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