Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
