It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
