i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You can't just leave with hair like that
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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