Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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