Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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