well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
