So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
