I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
