Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
