Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
