how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
