why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
