I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
