I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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